There are many times when in order to please someone we end up forgetting about our needs, wishes, and desires. But it is okay to choose yourself over others.
by Kritica Sinha
Falling into the trap of pleasing others and being defined by what others think of us, is so easy. It is easy because we spend our lives, putting efforts to be the best friend, best child, best colleague, best partner and maybe the best neighbor too. We love putting our needs, desire, choices, and wishes on the back-burner so that the ‘other’ can fulfill his/her desires. We make sure that we do not come across as someone who is ‘hard’ to be with.
For years we have been conditioned in such a way that when we want to think or take a stand for our choices, we end up feeling terrible and guilty. We abstain ourselves from being the true self that we are because we live in a fear that maybe, by being ourselves we might not be accepted by people.
But ignoring our likes and dislikes are not going to help us in the long run. It is better to please ourselves before becoming a people pleaser. Instead of waiting for someone else’s validation it is better to take up our lives in our hands, design and live the way we want it. So here are 10 things we should stop apologizing for and take a hold of our lives without waiting for anyone else’s opinion or validation.
1. Being Extremely Ambitious
Being ambitious is as normal as being human. There are people who genuinely love their job and enjoy working. If a person wants to work and doesn’t want to have a conventional life, they shouldn’t feel guilty about it for it is their life and the right goes to them in deciding what priorities do they have.
Not everyone wants to get a job, start a family and eventually die. It is okay if they want to lead their lives differently, with amassing wealth, fame, independence, and ticking off all the items on their bucket list.
2. Celebrate Your Flaws And Imperfections
The day we decide to look beyond our imperfection and flaws, that will be the day when we will feel content with the life we have got. Most of us spend our lives, comparing it with people who have an exceptionally good life. To crave for perfection based on the achievements of someone else only increases the amount of pressure we put on ourselves.
We should not feel sorry for our flaws because no one is perfect. Not even those models and actress who posts their beautiful pictures online or the ones you see in magazines. It is important to understand that they are photoshopped and overcorrected. That is something we should not compare our lives with. Embracing our own awesomeness and flaws is a way to carve a better life for ourselves, as it helps us in becoming a better version of ourselves.
3. Not Wanting To Smile All The Time
We understand that carrying a smile is a good gesture and smiling often spreads positivity. However, it is okay if one doesn’t want to smile all the time. Most of the time, people try to fit in with others in order to be accepted. There might be times when a person is really not in the mood and want to just be. However, if that person is surrounded by people, then he/she tries their best to put up a good show and win everyone’s heart.
But, the question is, what is the point of smiling all the time when one does not even feel like smiling? It might be annoying to have people asking “what’s wrong?” or, “why are you sad?” and so forth. It can be more than frustrating to answer all those questions. However, in such situation, it is okay to ignore what people are thinking and just be yourself. It is important to understand that we are humans and we are complex. It is okay if you don’t feel like smiling sometimes and just do it.
4. Not Always Being The ‘Cool’ One
We all want to be loved and accepted, and being cool and chill is one way to be accepted by all. Apparently, being a chill person is all about being a person who never questions, disagrees with everyone else says or does, but always nodding in a yes with what everyone says or does around us.
However, it is okay if one does not want to take a ‘chill pill’ and want to think about future and do what they feel like. Questioning people when they don’t feel something right about a situation. It is okay to spend time thinking and planning about things in advance. Do not create a false version of yourself to impress others. It is okay to ignore people who discourage us by saying, “you think too much” or ” you need to relax”.
5. Being Upfront
It can be suffocating to be around people who constantly try to bring us down. Not being able to take out our frustration isn’t a good sign for a healthy body and mind. Therefore, to be able to say things without sugar coating and making them realize about their behavior and attitude isn’t wrong at all.
Never feel sorry about making people realize that what they are doing is hurting you. If one does not speak up, about what is bothering them and because of whom, then they are in some ways not being true to themselves.
6. Being Able To Say No
Most of the time, saying ‘yes’ is the easiest way to dodge personal choices and please other’s choices. However, if one decides to take a stand for themselves by saying ‘no’ to things they find unacceptable, then there is nothing wrong with it.
Saying ‘yes’ just to please someone or to make someone else’s life easy is going to make this our habit, and hence, we will not be able to keep our priorities and choices first. Keeping ourselves on the priority list and giving ourselves the first preference is not being selfish.
7. Having High Standards
We often do not understand our values and hence, end up inviting and entertaining toxic people in our lives. It is something that we do not realize till the time is up and we are left broken. Having high standards and being picky and choosy about friends and partners might sound arrogant for many, but the truth is, we deserve the best of everything.
We deserve the best because we give our time, energy, effort to build a relationship. However, giving up all these to people who do not deserve is stupidity. Therefore, having standards is not wrong or arrogant. It is called being self-aware of the things that we deserve.
8. Being With The Wrong One
It is not mandatory for people to be in a relationship or to have someone to share their lives with if you are not sure about them. We all have our own way of looking at things and we should not feel sorry about letting go of some people who are not good for us. The whole point of life is to be happy and we can choose to be happy in our own ways.
And, if someone has a partner and still does not want to marry, they should not feel sorry about it. It is okay to be in love but not wanting to marry. They might have their own perception about things and should not feel sorry or bad about having them.
9. Being Stubborn
Yes, it is okay if a person is stubborn and goes to any extent to accomplish what they want. There is nothing wrong in persisting and trying all over again, no matter how many times they face failures.
People might tell us to give up because giving up is easy. Not giving up and standing and fixing things no matter how many times we have fallen, should be the only motive. We should not give up on things till the time we think is not worth it. Waiting for someone else to tell us that our hard work means nothing is a stupid thing to do.